{plan be}

{Plan Be} Expectations.. Great ones.

“Insist on yourself.  Never imitate.”  {Emerson}

I’ve been left pondering this past while.  Really thinking.  About expectations.
Guest-pectations.  {This is my new word.}
And this, is my issue…

For as long as weddings have been… they have been, a certain way.  A wedding is a wedding.  Or at least, it was.
These days a wedding can be whatever you want it to be.
These days, a wedding can be as traditional or as non-traditional, as you want.
These days its all about you.. the bride and the groom.
Or is it????

Recently I attended a wedding, which made me ponder.  Which made me question…
It was set out to be very much like the wedding we want to have ourselves… DIY, laid back, relaxed, fun, informal.  A wedding of handmade-ness and home-baking.  Where the details were lovingly made and cooked, by the own fair hands of the bride-y lady and her groom-y one.  With a little {or a lot} of help from the loved-ones.  From the bunting to the table-plan to the canapes to the cakes.  A slightly less than traditional, diy day, of family and friends and love and pretty things.
And a beautiful fun wedding it was.  By all means…..

But I have discovered a flaw in w-days such as these.  An issue that could, potentially ruin {yup I said ruin…Eesh} your wedding day.  One that I had already thought of and was sure I could prevent, but was told would not be necessary…. that this issue would not occur.  I now know, that I am right.  And now also, determined.

This problem I warn of, is Expectations.  Guest-pectations.  Great ones.

The people at this wedding, didn’t know what to expect.  They didn’t realise the food was handmade, and there were no caterers to serve it.  They didn’t know that some tables needed moved or plates needed cleared.  And this lack of knowledge, it mattered.  It had the potential to ruin the day.  Luckily it never… and the day was a great one. {Phew!}

But I learned from this…. I learned I was right… do not underestimate the expectations.
Your guests will have them.  Some high, some low.  Some guests will have more than others.  Some guests won’t have any. {These are the guests we all love}.  For these things, these expections, are dangerous.  They are what could make your diy day, or break it.  They could make a day unenjoyable for those unprepared…. or worse.  Unenjoyable for you two.

A wedding is a wedding is a wedding is a wedding.
For some, that will always be.
A lot of your guests may have been to numerous w-days, and yet they may not have been to one much different from another… They all may have been lovely, but lovely with a certain format and traditions to follow.  Possibly chair covers and sashes, colour schemes or themes, a first dance and a fruit cake, and waiters to serve, always.
This is where you and your unique, creative wedding have a problem.  This is where your diy efforts and all hands on deck approach could get messy and misunderstood.
I stack my own plate?? Sorry.. what??

I had the fear.  When told not to worry about expectations, I had the fear.  The fear of unsuspecting guests, and all their expectations.  The fear of assumptions, that our wedding was to be like any other wedding.  It shook me shakey…

Our wedding is not to be just like any other wedding.  And our guests are not to act just like our guests.  Our guests are to feel and act like family and friends.  Ones that are there to love us and support us and help us make our wedding day amazing.  Ones that have no expectations.  Ones that are merely happy to be invited to share our day.
However we choose to have it.
{And we choose to have it our way}

And so my solution to the problem of great guest-pectations is a simple one…

Don’t pretend that all of your guests are so lovely and laid back that they will start stacking dishes or moving chairs without even being asked… Don’t pretend they are all so cool and modern that they will not expect a wedding of a certain traditional format.  Don’t pretend.

Tell them!!!  Be honest about what you are doing!!  Tell the truth about your wedding day.  If its a diy day you so desire.. then have your guests coming along excited to see how much effort you’ve put in and willing to help because they appreciate your hard work.  {Even the ones that you know will not like it…. It’s them that most need to know…otherwise you’ll have to wait on them yourself in the best dress you’ve ever worn… No thanks}

The people attending your wedding, should be those that love you for who you are, and therefore, should love your wedding however you choose to have it.

So… If your having a picnic instead of a meal.. tell them.  If your needing some help on the day.. ask.
They are your family… They shouldn’t mind.
And if they do????
Don’t invite them. {oops, I said it}

Love Claire x

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5 thoughts on “{Plan Be} Expectations.. Great ones.

  1. I read this and smiled.

    We had a DIY wedding! My new husband stood up and told everyone to be like they are in USA and hold onto your knife and fork after the starter. To which we heard laughter! They thought we were joking!

    The day was a success and it was the way we wanted it.

    Love reading your blog.

    Julie

  2. This post made me cry a bit! I think this was probably our wedding or at least one very similar to ours. We were let down quite badly by our waiting staff and so our friends and wonderful wedding planners (Be) had to do a lot more than we wanted. I spent my entire wedding planning trying to make the day as enjoyable as possible for our guests, but I guess towards the end, the DIY/ vintage approach meant quite a jumbled,disorganised day. I’m gutted if this meant some guests had a bad experience xx

    • Oh Sarah, this was a post about what guests expect, not what us poor diy bride-y ladies plan! These thoughts come from working all year at DIY weddings.. all of which have been unique, fun, creative and very personal.. our favourite kind!
      As people who WORK in wedding-land, we learn a great deal from each couples day and our experiences behind the scenes, and we try and use these to help at others.. but… as a person HAVING a wedding herself.. the best thing I’ve learned this year is that any behind the scenes hiccups or diy mishaps, they go unnoticed by guests, all the time. When there is food, and dancing and love, everyone has a good time. And we’ve yet to attend {or work} a wedding that’s proved that wrong.
      We LOVED being part of your day!! And are more than sure your guests did too!
      Claire xx

  3. Thanks Claire. It was amazing having you guys there. You did a fantastic job 🙂 I guess I am just feeling sensitive after the terrible mess the bar company made of their job! I know that your wedding will be brilliant 🙂
    Sarah xx

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